E50: I’m dealing with survivor’s guilt
A cancer survivor reckons with the aftermath of cancer treatment, including survivor's guilt.
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Dear Grief Guide,
This podcast and the tender care it brings has been one of the few silver linings in my life since going into remission from cancer. I don’t think people realize that not every cancer survivor has the stability and security to hold them up through the upheaval of a diagnosis and treatment. I’m dealing with survivor’s guilt and it’s so hard to express what I’m going through because, well, I don’t want anyone to think I’m ungrateful. But the truth is that the battles didn’t end when my treatment did. In many ways, they just changed form.
I’ve been trying to pick up the pieces of a life shaken by so many losses I hardly recognize it. Cancer left me with injuries from the lack of return-to-work support, a breakup, physical and emotional scars that others can’t see, and now the grief of moving just to find a place where I can rest. Each day feels like another climb up the mountain, but the top keeps moving further away.
I don’t think people realize how much cancer survivors hold inside. We carry all the aftermath, and for many of us, the supports that once seemed guaranteed are just not there. There’s no lifeline for this grief that stretches far beyond the treatments and doctor’s visits. There’s no financial support, no acknowledgment of what living with the long-term effects of things like brain fog and cognitive dysfunction does to us. The grief gets so heavy, some days I wonder if anything could keep me afloat. Please help.
Yours in gratitude,
Survivor Barely Surviving
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