E45: I’m worried the holidays won’t feel magical

Written By Shelby Forsythia

A grieving wife and mother is wondering how to make the holidays feel special for her three kids after her husband's death earlier this year.

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Dear Grief Guide,

My husband passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack earlier this year, and now the holidays are approaching fast. He always made Christmas feel so magical for the kids. He would put up the lights the day after Thanksgiving and play Christmas music while we all decorated the tree together. Every year, he’d make the kids hot cocoa and put on old claymation movies while they opened their pajamas on Christmas Eve.

I’m struggling because I don’t know how to make the holidays magical without him. Our kids are 5, 8, and 12, and they’re all grieving in their own ways. My youngest asks about him constantly, while my oldest keeps everything bottled up. My middle child swings between the two. I’m grieving too, but I don’t want to let them down. I want them to feel some sense of joy, but the idea of doing our usual traditions without him feels unbearable.

I’m stuck between wanting to honor his memory and feeling like I can’t live up to the magic he brought to our family this time of year. How do I help my kids feel something special and meaningful again when all we feel is this huge loss?

Thanks for any suggestions or advice you can offer,
No Holiday Spirit

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Shelby Forsythia

Shelby Forsythia (she/her) is a grief coach, author, and podcast host. In 2020, she founded Life After Loss Academy, an online course and community that has helped dozens of grievers grow and find their way after death, divorce, diagnosis, and other major life transitions.

Following her mother’s death in 2013, Shelby began calling herself a “student of grief” and now devotes her days to reading, writing, and speaking about loss. Through a combination of mindfulness tools and intuitive, open-ended questions, she guides her clients to welcome grief as a teacher and create meaningful lives that honor and include the heartbreaks they’ve faced. Her work has been featured in Huffington Post, Bustle, and The Oprah Magazine.

https://www.shelbyforsythia.com
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E46: I’m afraid I won’t ever feel whole again
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E44: I don’t know if this feeling will ever end