E38: I’m jealous of grievers with supportive friends
After three consecutive losses, a fed up letter-writer is angry her friends aren't more supportive.
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Dear Grief Guide,
I lost my mom a few years ago, my dad eight months ago, and my beloved parakeet two months ago. I was reading a grief memoir where the author writes about how her friends came over and “cocooned” her and made her dinner after her husband died. I couldn’t stop crying my eyes out because my friend group isn’t like that.
My best friend only talks to me to complain about her job. Another friend goes on about her wedding next year, where I’m one of her bridesmaids. We never talk about my losses, my loved ones, or my grief. It feels like my grief is some kind of awful elephant in the room that no one knows what to do with, so they all sidestep around it and pretend everything is okay. I’m envious of other people who have supportive friends and the feeling that I’m being ripped off by the Universe is eating me alive.
I get that everyone has their own lives, but the loneliness I feel is brutal. I long for the kind of support other grieving people seem to have—a network of friends who understand and show up without being asked. What am I supposed to do here? Making new friends is so hard, especially when you’re grieving. But I’m sick and tired of feeling unsupported.
Thanks for any advice you have,
Caterpillar with No Cocoon
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