E29: I expected grief to feel different
A recently bereaved father thought he would feel more after the death of his young son. Is he an emotionless monster? Or is something deeper going on?
Listen to This Episode:
Dear Grief Guide,
It’s been six months since my young son passed away, and I find myself lost in an unexpected place. When he died, I thought grief would be a torrent of sadness, rage, and burning emotion eating me alive. But instead, it’s like a numbing fog has settled over my life.
I guess I expected grief to feel different.
Instead of the intense emotions I anticipated, I feel a constant dullness that blurs the edges of everything. I have no violent outbursts, no crying fits, just a heavy, pervasive numbness that coats everything.
I go through the motions of daily life, but everything feels muted. My wife and I barely talk about our son. I know she’s hurting too, but we seem unable to connect in our shared grief.
At work, I’m just a shell of myself. Tasks that used to engage me now feel pointless. I’m distracted and distant, and my colleagues have started to notice. They offer their condolences, but their words seem hollow, bouncing off the thick fog enveloping me.
Friends and family try to reach out, but I find it hard to engage. I feel disconnected from everyone and everything, like I’m watching life through a pane of frosted glass. Their well-meaning advice and attempts at comfort just remind me how different my experience of grief is from what I imagined.
I’m not sure how to navigate this emptiness. How do I find my way back to feeling, even if it’s the pain I initially expected? How can I support my wife when I can’t even seem to support myself?
I’m desperate for any guidance you can offer on moving through this numbness and finding a way to truly grieve.
Signed,
What the Heck
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