E28: My heart breaks for my grieving loved one
After the sudden deaths of her cousin and uncle, a grieving niece wonders how she can bring her 70-something aunt happiness and joy in the final years of her life.
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Dear Grief Guide,
In October 2022, my cousin died unexpectedly at just 44 years old. Three days later, my uncle, his father, who was 72, also passed away, we think in part because of the stress of my cousin’s death. It was a huge shock, and needless to say the past two years have been incredibly difficult.
My aunt, who is 74, is devastated. Not only did she lose her husband of almost 50 years, but she also lost her only child. They were so close that they could finish each other's sentences. He used to drop by a few times a week to say hello or drop off his kids to visit.
My aunt is still caring for my cousin’s teenage kids, and despite a strained relationship with my cousin's wife, we (my aunt and I) do everything we can to support her. However, seeing my aunt so sad and depressed breaks my heart.
She keeps herself busy and tries her best to go out with friends a couple of times a week, but a lot of the time, little tasks—everything from making a deposit at the bank to doing a load of laundry—are stressful for her, and she breaks down. Whenever this happens, I try to calm her down. I reassure her that we can take things step by step without rushing, and that seems to help in the moment, but I think it’s hard for both of us to keep going like this.
Our relationship has always been great, and now that I’m an adult it's even stronger now. My aunt shares her feelings with me, and I do my best to take care of her in all the ways I know how, but I genuinely don’t know how to help her more.
This morning, when I left her house to work my job as a nurse, she hugged me with tears in her eyes, and said, “You’re the only hope I have left.” I hugged her back and said, “Oh auntie, I love you!” It just broke me. I wish I could bring her more joy in the last part of her life.
My heart breaks for my aunt. How can I help her find more happiness and peace?
Signed,
Just a Couple of Broken Hearts
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