E16: No one wants to remember my person with me
As the one year anniversary of their best friend's death approaches, a grieving graduate student worries that no one will honor her memory with them.
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Dear Grief Guide,
Greetings from someplace in Europe! I lost my best friend last May from a cardiac event. It was totally unexpected. She was 24, and I am too.
I had a special relationship with her. My other friends loved her but didn't have the same bond we had. We are in a critical stage of our life, where we are finishing graduate school and we are starting to have jobs, so between graduation parties, exams, PhD applications and long hours in the lab (we are all scientists!), we didn't find the time to grieve together. I have a sense that they don't want to do that because it's too much on top of all the responsibilities and pressure we now have, and I respect that.
Her poor family is lovely, I keep in contact with her brother and I try to support them all but it's like pain has built a wall between us. Plus, I didn't get to know them much before my friend passed, so they love me and thank me for the friend I've been for her, but all in all I am a stranger to them. So, again, I back down.
Now the one year anniversary of her death is not far away. I want to organize a picnic but I am scared to death that no one is going to come—that no one wants to remember our special girl with me. I'm afraid it will devastate me and anger me. I’m afraid that no one wants to remember my friend with me.
How can I organize that day and make it beautiful for everyone? And if my worst fear comes true, how can I deal with the outcome of no one coming?
You are wonderful, thanks a lot for the work you do,
Friendless Unicorn
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