E13: I just want to feel normal again
A newly bereaved sibling wonders whether life will ever feel good or carefree again.
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Dear Grief Guide,
I’m grappling with the recent loss of my sister, a mere three weeks ago. Her end-of-life journey began with a stroke in 2020, and in the years leading up to her death, she was depressed and miserable, expressing all the ways that her post-stroke life was a lesser life than the one she was living before. I saw how the stroke changed everything for her, and my heart broke. I got where she was coming from and empathized with her pain. I did my best to take care of her emotionally, physically, and even spiritually as her memory and ability went downhill.
As she declined, I had candid conversations with friends about what I can only call the diminishing luster of life. Although I made big strides in my career and even met and married my wife while taking care of my sister, the thrill and novelty of life overall seemed to dissipate. It’s like no matter what I accomplished or achieved, and despite the blessings that came my way, nothing felt as good as it did in my life before knowing what it was like to grieve.
Now, with her passing, the weight of this realization intensifies. The question echoes louder: For those who have lost a loved one does life ever reclaim its shine? Or does the pain of grief cast an enduring shadow, dulling the brilliance of life forever?
In the wake of my sister’s death, I yearn for a glimpse of normalcy now more than ever. The desire to feel normal again reverberates through my thoughts like a mantra, a plea to regain a sense of equilibrium amid the years upheaval. I miss the simplicity and joy of the years when my biggest challenge was choosing what movie to watch on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I long for the days when laughter came easily, things felt possible, and life felt less burdened by the weight of loss.
Grief Guide, can you tell me if what I’m seeking is even possible? God, I just want to feel normal again.
With gratitude,
Longing for Normalcy
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