E33: I can’t move on from my best friend’s death
A listener is convinced they'll never have another friend like the one they lost. How do you keep living after your confidant and safety net dies?
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Dear Grief Guide,
I miss my friend L every single day. We were friends for 15 years, met in college and we just clicked. It was that special friendship where we didn’t have to talk every day or week, but we knew the other was a phone call away. Even when L moved hours away, and we only saw each other once a year, our friendship stayed strong.
L was that friend you don’t always get in life. She would do anything for me and I for her. We would surprise each other with a visit to the other’s town, or a card in the mail. We have seen all sides of each other, she has seen an ugly side of me that even my wife hasn’t seen. She is the person I call when something big happens, good or bad. We never judged each other, and we always supported the other through the good and bad.
I never took her for granted, but I just expected 30+ more years of friendship and now I feel alone. I have a wife, and a child. I have other friends, even one that gets close to what L and I had, but I still feel lost and scared at times. What if something happens to my marriage, or my child? Who will I call? Who will drop everything to come help me?
L was my safety net, and I was hers, and now I feel lost. I don’t know how to move on, I desperately want another L in my life, but it hurts to know it probably won’t happen. Not only is it hard to make friends in your late 30s, but I do truly believe our friendship is a once in a lifetime thing, and that not everyone gets that kind of friendship.
I love you L and I miss you every day. I will try to make you proud in the profession we shared, and I will try to always be the positive and welcoming person you were.
Signed,
Missing My Best Friend
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