E18: I’m terrified of future losses
Ever since the sudden death of their best friend, a letter-writer is constantly thinking about who will die next.
Listen to This Episode:
Dear Grief Guide,
I'm struggling with overwhelming anxiety and paranoia since losing my best friend in a tragic car accident. The fear of losing other loved ones, suddenly or otherwise, has consumed me to the point where it's affecting my daily life.
Right now, I'm sitting in a library, anxiously awaiting my partner's return from a routine colonoscopy. He has Chron’s disease, so this procedure is a regular part of his healthcare routine. However, my mind is flooded with worst-case scenarios, fearing that the doctors will find something serious like colon cancer and that he'll be taken from me.
This irrational fear has a near-constant hold on my mind and body, making it hard to breathe or focus on anything else. I don’t think I’ve felt joy or peace since before my best friend died. And every time my partner leaves the house, my mind races with terrifying possibilities. I'm paralyzed by the thought that he might not come back.
I haven't shared these fears with him because I don't want to add to his worries, but keeping them bottled up only intensifies my anxiety. I feel trapped in a cycle of fear and panic, unable to break free from the grip of these persistent thoughts. I am so, so afraid of experiencing future losses.
I'm desperately seeking guidance on how to cope and regain a sense of control, or even peace, again. I know I can’t control the future and I certainly can’t control when or how the people around me die, but I worry about it all the time. Any support or advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Anxiety-Ridden-to-Death
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