Beyond The 5 Stages: How To Rebuild Life After Loss With The GRIEF Method
For decades the 5 Stages of Grief, identified and introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969, have been widely recognized as the framework for understanding grief. And while the 5 Stages have been helpful in many ways, they’ve also been misunderstood and misapplied over time.
In her final book, published after her death, Elisabeth wrote:
“[The 5 Stages] were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages... They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief. Not everyone goes through all of them or goes in a prescribed order.”
Despite these words from Elisabeth herself, society, the media, and even some therapists have used the 5 Stages not as a tool for understanding grief, but as a set of orderly boxes to tick off a checklist so that, by the time you arrive at the last stage of acceptance, you can confidently declare you’re “done” grieving.
Anyone who has ever grieved knows that there’s no such thing as being “done” with grief. Even years and decades later, our feelings about our loss and the impact it has on our lives linger. Whether we like it or not, we are in some sort of ongoing relationship with grief until the day we die.
That’s where the GRIEF Method comes in. It’s a cyclical, compassionate approach that designed explicitly for the multidimensional, continuous nature of grief.
In this article, I’ll explore how the 5 Stages of Grief and the GRIEF Method compare and contrast, and how you can use the GRIEF Method to rebuild your life after devastating loss.
The 5 Stages of Grief: A Foundation with Limits
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross originally developed the 5 Stages of Grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) as a framework for people facing their own terminal diagnosis. She published her research about the 5 Stages in her first book On Death and Dying. Over time, the model was (improperly) adapted to help people understand grief after the death of a loved one.
Simply put, the 5 Stages were never meant to be a step-by-step manual for grieving. They were a way to describe the emotional experiences of terminally ill people coming to terms with the certainty of their deaths. Despite this, many grievers today feel pressure to move through the stages “in order” and reach “acceptance” as a finish line.
Strengths of the 5 Stages:
Emotional awareness: The 5 Stages normalize intense feelings like anger and depression, giving grievers permission to experience these emotions without shame. This was a big deal in the late 60s and early 70s, and led to public demand for more compassionate care of those with terminal illnesses.
A shared language: They offer a starting point for conversations about grief, helping people feel less alone in their pain and giving words to an often wordless experience.
Limitations of the 5 Stages:
A linear framework: Due to the influence of society, media, and professionals who don’t know otherwise, many grievers mistakenly believe they must move through the stages sequentially, which can create feelings of failure or “being stuck” in a stage.
Emotion-focused: The stages emphasize the emotional experiences a griever “should” be having rather than offering a roadmap for rebuilding a life that includes their loss.
Death-centric: While helpful for death-related losses, the stages weren’t designed to apply to other forms of grief, such as divorce, chronic illness, loss of identity, or job loss.
My all-time favorite meme about the 5 Stages of Grief model :) | Source: tumblr
The GRIEF Method: A Cyclical, Action-Oriented Approach
In contrast to the 5 Stages, the GRIEF Method is a 5-step process designed to help you move through grief in a way that’s practical, action-oriented, and adaptable to all kinds of loss. The steps—Ground, Release, Integrate, Establish, and Foster—offer a cyclical approach that you can revisit as needed, whether you’re facing a single devastating loss or a lifetime of changes and challenges.
Key Features of the GRIEF Method:
Cyclical, not linear: Because there’s no such thing as being “done” with grief, the GRIEF Method encourages you to revisit steps as your grief evolves, like you might revisit the same town or reread the same book as you grow and gather new information about yourself.
Inclusive of All Losses: Whether you’re grieving a death, divorce, diagnosis, or other major life transition, the GRIEF Method meets you where you are. Its steps go beyond mourning the death of a loved one and help you reorient to life after any loss.
Focuses on Action: Rather than prescribing specific emotions, the GRIEF Method helps you build tools to cope with the present and—eventually—envision a hopeful future.
Let’s take a look at how the GRIEF Method contrasts with the 5 Stages in three key areas:
The 5 Stages of Grief graphic | Source: Enhabit Home Heath & Hospice
1. Linear Stages vs. Cyclical Process
The 5 Stages of Grief are often misunderstood as a step-by-step progression, leading some people to believe they’re “doing grief wrong” if they revisit certain feelings or skip a stage altogether.
The GRIEF Method, on the other hand, embraces grief as a cyclical process. You might Ground yourself during a difficult anniversary, Release emotions when a new layer of grief arises, or Establish boundaries with a friend when your grief feels misunderstood—all without needing to “complete” a step in order to explore another one.
This cyclical nature reflects the reality of grief: it’s not about “getting over it” but learning to live with it in a way that honors the fact that grief keeps going!
The 5-Step GRIEF Method of “growing through grief” | Source: Shelby Forsythia, LLC
2. Specific Emotional “Boxes” vs. A Clear Path Forward
The 5 Stages focus on emotions like denial and anger, which can help grievers recognize their feelings are valid. But emotions are only one piece of the grief equation. Many grievers are left thinking: “I know how I feel about loss. But what can I do to cope with it?”
The GRIEF Method provides a clear, actionable path forward:
Grounding yourself in routines and rituals that create stability in uncertain times
Releasing big, messy emotions without judgment
Integrating your losses into your life with self-compassion and creativity
Establishing boundaries and redefining relationships that honor your grief
Fostering a long-term relationship with grief as a guide, not an enemy
This approach helps you move beyond feeling stuck or overwhelmed by emotions, giving you the practical tools to rebuild your life step-by-step.
3. Death-Centric vs. Inclusive of All Losses
While the 5 Stages were originally developed for terminal patients and later adapted for death-related grief, the GRIEF Method is designed to address the full spectrum of losses.
Whether you’re grieving the end of a marriage, a life-changing diagnosis, or the death of a loved one, the GRIEF Method provides a flexible framework that adapts to your unique loss. By focusing on practical steps rather than specific emotions, it helps you navigate all forms of loss with compassion and clarity.
How to Move Forward Using the GRIEF Method
Both the 5 Stages of Grief and the GRIEF Method offer valuable insights for understanding and navigating loss. The 5 Stages can help you normalize your feelings, while the GRIEF Method provides a practical, compassionate roadmap for rebuilding your life.
If you’d like to explore how the GRIEF Method can help you return to life after devastating loss, consider joining me and dozens of grievers finding their way forward inside Life After Loss Academy.
Inside the program, you’ll learn how to:
Ground yourself in routines that create safety and calm
Release painful emotions and honor your losses
Integrate grief into your life with compassion and creativity
Establish healthy boundaries that protect your healing heart
Foster a hopeful future that includes peace and joy
Learn more and enroll today. Grief may be with you for the long-haul, but that doesn’t have to mean a lifetime of suffering. A good life with grief is possible, even if you can’t see it right now. I’d love to show you how to get there.
